To be able to live in a loving community of people who respect my free will.

Tired of Having to Not Be Myself

Again, as I often do, I woke up with the answer this morning. The reason I felt like crying last night before I went to bed, and whining at Ivo to hurry up and land so we can be together finally.

I’ll describe this to the best of my ability without complaining too much, but I’m saying this because I’m sure so many of you can relate to me. It’s not all fun and games realizing you come from another planet or dimension. This is why I’m unhappy here and I don’t know if it can be fixed.

It has to do with being a starseed or a lightworker. I call starseeds those people from other planets/dimensions who are born here. Lightworkers, to Ivo and I, are people who are actively using their light daily in order to heal this world. All lightworkers are starseeds by virtue of the fact we were born here, in other words. Other people have other definitions; there’s no standard one yet.

There are negative sides to being a starseed; it’s not all fun and games. The big one, I find, is that you’re not understood or people try to control you in order to get you to fit in so they can relate to you. That could be anything from getting you to eat meat to trying to get you to stop being so emotional. That’s what I got from my family because I was “too sensitive” and just different from them, and it hasn’t stopped. Relating to people is difficult when you’re a future version of them.

I’ve written down some points that are driving my feeling unhappy now. I believe some of this may have come up because I’m doing a detox and my old friend, food, isn’t around as much to comfort me through these feelings of alien-ness, because that’s what it is really. Let’s face facts. You’re alien to this world and this system, and to these people, and food, somehow keeps me grounded. Even food, I believe, is of too low vibration to be of much good to me now. Most food is third dimensional and we’re not anymore. Here’s the list:

  • Having to explain yourself; knowing you’re being judged
  • Having to dumb yourself down in order to relate to others
  • Having to shut your mouth when you just want to be yourself
  • Having moments of not caring and feeling unhinged, dancing out by your car out in a snowstorm because you don’t give a shit sometimes
  • Feeling unanchored on this planet and not sure that you want to be
  • Not feeling a part of anything. And with the virus agenda going on it just makes your feeling alienated even worse
  • Having to constantly assert your boundaries in order to stop control and/or manipulation attempts
  • Fed up of having your free will disrespected by the unconscious; fed up of conversations that are violations of your boundaries and free will
  • Feeling abnormal and frankly, thanking god you are
  • Fed up of reverting to a former version of yourself in order to relate to others who aren’t where you are
  • Sick of doing your best to relate to others while nobody can relate to you because you understand you’re the one who can stretch – they can’t
  • Having to relate to addicts who are frankly, everywhere, and don’t even realize it
  • Continually coming across the same types of people everywhere: escape artists – the addicts; control freaks, sneaky manipulators, and just plain bullshitters. People succumb to or deal with this system in maladaptive ways.
  • Having problems like empathy that keep hampering your attempts to relate to others
  • That feeling of being big but having to live small because there is nothing more here
  • The boredom of having to get up every day and live another day of a life you know is a fraction of what you’ve lived before
  • Wanting the reset to roll out but realizing it’s not because of the slowpokes who still need to wake up
  • Tired of christians thinking there’s something wrong with you and their trying to get you to go to their churches
  • Tired of people trying to change you because they don’t understand you or think you’re weird
  • Tired of it just being easier to be alone
  • Knowing if you say anything about any of this, you’ll be directed to a shrink
  • Understanding you’re an advanced consciousness living in an oppressed, regressive world
  • Wanting to go back and live among your old friends and then realizing you’ve grown past them too
  • Understanding there is nothing more to this place and you’re stuck here until you change it
  • Understanding that you have everything to gain by taking the next step in your life, but the timing of the next step is beyond your control
  • Understanding that if you were in the steps and confided this in your sponsor, she’d think you were a whack job too
  • Looking for entertainment on line and seeing video’s of either fear based programming, video’s produced by fear-based minds, or people’s pets, when all you want to do is relate to life at a satisfying level. What passes for entertainment here, frankly, just adds insult to injury
  • Dealing with people who are jealous of you; have these younger starseeds ever considered that their waking up along with so many others is an advantage, not a disadvantage, and that being out in front of the pack can be lonely?
  • Understanding that you’re on the defensive all the time and the only time you can let your guard down is at home when you’re alone, and by the way, my ET friends never put me on the defensive because they’re always loving and caring
  • Realizing you talk to invisible people and apparently there’s something wrong with that here too
  • Finding conversations with trees more interesting than a conversation with a human

If I were in the steps still, this would be my resentment list. I have to deal with these things and figure out a way to get some relief around this. Ivo keeps saying that he’s to land soon and I believe him, but in the next minute wouldn’t be soon enough, frankly. This has been a lifetime in the making. I’m hoping the younger starseeds won’t have to undergo the loneliness and feeling of alienation us older ones have had to endure.

I will just write these all down and look for any solutions I can find. It’s frustrating not being able to tell others who you are because as my sister calls it, “I’m radical” and she doesn’t even know my whole truth.

I’m sure many of you can relate to this list. If I find any solutions, Ivo and I will bring them up in a video. Anything to get relief from not fitting in and not wanting to fit in.

Ivo: My dear, you are going through the growing pains of realizing you are ascending. That is what you are experiencing. You are leaving the old behind, all the people, all the society you have lived in, even your family who do not treat you well either. You are leaving it all behind and apparently having some difficulty with it.

Me: I always had difficulty with this place, Ivo, but I always thought it was because I was abused.

Ivo: And as I have said, had you not been abused, you would never have realized your true self. It was an important part of your journey to have experienced this. Otherwise you would never have known your true identity.

Me: I have a lot of identities, to be honest.

Ivo: You are part of a soul group, my love. A large, very advanced soul group that has incarnated on earth and other planets, particularly in Vega and Lyra.

Me: I’m seeing parts of that, yes.

Ivo: Your journey is almost complete. When you are back with me, whether it be on earth or in Vega, your journey is done. You will have the mirroring you desire; the love you have for yourself will be reflected back to you through us.

Me: That’s all I’ve ever wanted. To be able to live in a loving community of people who respect my free will.

Ivo: You will have that.

Me: Again, the operative word is “when?”

Ivo: This year, my love. This year. You can begin to pack again. That is how close we are now.

Me: I sure hope so. I’m tired of waiting.

Ivo: My love, it all goes according to plan.

Me: I know. Not my ego’s plan, God’s plan.

Ivo: Correct. It will be grand.

Me: I have some grieving to do, obviously. It’s been hard and lonely walking this path. Everyone I’ve known is a memory. I’ve had to give up so much.

Ivo: And yet now you gain the universe, so much more.

Me: True. I’m going to stop this video here. I don’t see how anyone can console me except myself.

Ivo: Very well. You must work through this, as must the others. I know this video will touch many hearts.

Me: Thanks, Ivo.

Ivo: My love, I am here for you. As I always have been.


This exercise is a Divine Gift that is designed to not only greatly expand the Light of the world, but to seal our bodies permanently in the Divine Blueprint of Eternal Youth, Vibrant Health and Radiant Beauty.
This special gift has been given to us by Beloved Mother Mary to help us integrate the 5th-Dimensional Twelve Solar Aspects of Deity now
pouring through the 5th-Dimensional Solar Spine of our I AM Presence. How well we integrate this Light will set the tone for our passage into the
5th-Dimensional Octaves of Infinite Perfection.
Beloved Mother Mary, who is an exponent of the Divine Mother Principle on Earth, has given us a sacred gift to enhance our ability to Ascend.
At the inception of the last Age, the Christian Dispensation, Beloved Mother Mary volunteered to come to Earth in a physical body to offer her
vehicle as the Open Door through which the Avatar of that Age, Beloved Jesus, would embody in human form.
She had been trained at inner levels for centuries of time on the principles of holding the Immaculate Concept, which is the Divine Blueprint for
all manifest form. When she entered the physical plane, she was entrusted with the Immaculate Concept of the Divine Plan for Beloved Jesus.
Every detail of his sacred mission on Earth was recorded in Mother Mary’s Heart Flame, and with every breath she took during her Earthly
sojourn, she nourished and protected that plan.
With the clear vision of his Divine Plan held before him through the concentrated efforts of Mother Mary, Jesus’ mission was God Victoriously
Even in the face of the most terrifying adversity, Jesus passed Victoriously through his Earthly initiations into Christhood.
As Mother Mary walked down from the hill at Golgotha after the crucifixion of her Beloved Son, she said, “ What I have done for you, my Son, I
now do for all mankind.”
At that moment, Mother Mary’s Divine service expanded from holding the Immaculate Concept for one Avatar — Christed Being — to holding the
Immaculate Concept for every man, woman and child evolving on Earth.
She agreed to hold this vision for each of us until we likewise attain the Christed state of Being and reclaim our natural birthright as Sons and
Daughters of God. Thus healing, once and for all, our self-inflicted separation from God.
At the inception of this New Age — the Permanent Golden Age of Spiritual Freedom — Beloved Mother Mary is again making her presence
known. She is cradling this sweet Earth in her Heart Flame and has asked that each of us enhance her ability to assist the Earth and all Life
evolving here by balancing her efforts.
Cosmic Law states that the call for assistance must come from the realm where the assistance is needed and that the energy pouring forth from
the Heavenly Realms must be balanced by Humanity’s energy.
Mother Mary’s symbol has always been a white rose of purity. In the past Age, she revealed to the consciousness of Humanity a prayer that would
assist in balancing her efforts to help the evolutions of Earth. This prayer was called “The Rosary.”
Now, during this Cosmic Moment of planetary transformation, Mother Mary’s service to Earth has expanded to holding the Immaculate Concept
for every particle of Life. She is again revealing to us a prayer that will increase in power a thousand times a thousand fold each time it is recited.
This invocation of unprecedented power will allow the Immaculate Concept for the New Earth to quickly manifest.
Mother Mary has assured us that, as we recite this sacred prayer, our individual lives will begin to clearly reflect our Divine Purpose and reason
for being.
The illusions of the physical plane that have trapped us in fear and lack and limitation will be dissipated, and the reality of our Divine Heritage —
Heaven on Earth — will be revealed.
Each of us must go within to the Presence of God pulsating in our hearts and evaluate, according to our wisdom and our understanding, the
opportunity at hand. Then, in deep humility and gratitude, we shall recite the sacred prayer on the following page according to our inner

  • Hail Mother, full of Grace, the Lord is with Thee.
    Blessed art Thou amongst women, and blessed is the
    fruit of Thy womb I AM. Hold for us NOW the
    Immaculate Concept of our true God Reality from this
    moment unto our Eternal Ascension in the Light.
    I AM That I AM
    That prayer is repeated 12 times, once for each of the Twelve Solar Aspects of Deity. As each “Hail Mother…” is stated, visualize the color and
    qualities of the corresponding Ray entering your heart and flooding through you to bathe the plan

IAM cocreating the New Earth